Hopeless Dream

Last Night. I dreamed that I with the guy that I'm starting to let go (Mr. Random) we are at the street chatting. Suddenly he just hold my hand tightly. I'm surprised on his acts that time. And I'm so EVER Speechless. At first i tried to get away his hand from my hand but he hold it tightly until I hold his hand. We walk on the street holding hands, my heart race at that time and that was best moment of my life. Until I woke up and realized that it was just a DReam, a hopeless dream of mind. It makes me smile because on dream I can be with him. I decided that we will stay as FRIEND and I would not ask for more. I like to protect the relationship that we have. And I know that our feelings is not MUTUAL just he said before he can just think of me as his Girlfriend and everything when I heard this words before I felt pity for myself for the second time around I'd love at the wrong time and all of my investment on loving him is wasted and useless. Supposed to be on that moment and time I should stop communicating and interacting with him because I felt cheated and everything. I don't want to see him because whenever I see him I felt down and a loser, I over assume everything he does for me and over reacted my thoughts and interpretation.

As of today, I don't know but we talk, chat and see that nothing happen it just like we stay as friends and as days goes by our friendship get tougher and stronger. I openly tell to him if I'm worried, aloof and angry with him. And he bitch and bully me whenever he sees me, it seems that his day will not be completed if he will not bully me. I don't know but I don't want to open up the issue of my confession to him when we see

I'm accepting the fact that our friendship might not be lasts. He has a lot of priorities and friends that needed him. And i don't want to steal away from him the stuff that help him to grow and be a better man. For myself I'm planning to make a distant from him. I'm good of acting whenever his with me I used to poker face, I don't show to him how happy I am when I'm with him because I don't want also to misinterpret me. I wanted to show him that I moved on from him and the concerned and worried I felt and show for him is totally friendship. I'm convincing myself that I should Move-on  and keep on my mind he would not love me back the way the i like to be love.

One thing I'm wishing and hoping is I could erase this feeling for him and try to love somebody that I think will love me back as I wished. And our feeling for each other is mutual. Help myself to lessen my worries and concern for him because it would be the sign that I already move-on for him and I wanted to be HAppy and free from him.