Thursday, May 10, 2012

May 15, 2012

I remember Last Christmas Break I experienced again another turning point that I should get rid my feelings on my guy friend. Simple reason he doesn't feel the same feeling with me when I asked him about it. I wrote a letter for him but I forget what was the actual content but as far as I remember I declared on the letter that if he read it I've already move on on him, my feelings for him is not that intense and the care that I will show for him is just purely friendship. I wrote it last December 28, 2012 and he will received it on May 15, 2012.  I used the a website that will sent your letter on the future. After 2 months I tried to edit my letter for him and proofread it but I failed. The website doesn't allow the writer it wants to preserve the authenticity of the letter. The only thing you can do is change the name of the receiver or you will not going to push through to send the letter.

May 15 is getting near. I really don't know what would be his reaction after reading my letter or he will be able to read it - He is a busy person thus he will spare a minute to read the letter. What would be the impact of my letter to him. I hope he sent me a copy of my letter so I can imagine again or see myself writing that letter. And I could remember what push me to wrote that letter.

After the Christmas Break we see again and it seems nothing happened with us. We became friends again and doesn't talk about the confession and everything, But I found out this he has this SOMEONE. who he like to thank and this someone will know the reason for it on December 2012. I asked him about this SOMEONE and show my intention to meet her. But he tell me he doesn't want Me and his SO called someone to meet we are not on the same WAVELENGTH.

And for this past months we are like cats and dogs arguing on little things and stuff. Maybe are arguing makes us keep the relationship still intact. Honestly I always the one who always asking on how is he and everything. Even though he doesn't reply I just think that he might be busy, I just say to myself "At least I tried to approach him and I show my concern and intention that if he need someone to talk to I'm just here. I always show my affection and care for him like, one time I thought he had been hurt, I called him instantly to know if he is ok and everything. I also comfort him if I think he needed comfort, I send him my thought and cheesy everything stuff  just make him smile and make him feel that I'm affected on what his failures and hurtings. I actually did this stuff for one purpose " I love him and I do care for him so much".

I confronted him again Last March 2012, about something and yet I've been replied by a negative answer. He visited me and asked me if I'm jealous with this person when he was with her, If I missed him and If I love him?. These questions have been running on my minds. It confused me so much.

Hoping that on May 15, 2012, I already move on from him. Even the result is will be Our friendship will be ended. I will accept it, I must not dwell myself to him. I must distance myself on him. I've hurt a lot of time. I must stop this hurting, pain and hoping of mine. I must free myself from the idea that we could be as we wished to be. Because the day I fell for him, is the day that our feelings and relationship CHANGE.